Should you stay
or should you go?

Knowing what you know now — would you choose them again?

Don't reason with this. First answer.

If nothing changed — for the next five years — could you stay?

Not "would you want to." Could you.

In your worst moments together, is there contempt — eye-rolling, mockery, "what's wrong with you"?

Gottman: the #1 statistical predictor of dissolution

Don't soften the answer. The pattern matters more than the frequency.

When you fight — do you find your way back?

Gottman: the strongest distinguisher of "masters" vs "disasters"

Not instantly. Not neatly. But actually.

When you share something small — a thought, an observation — do they turn toward you?

Gottman: bids predict longevity better than big events

Micro signals predict macro outcomes.

When they walk into the room — what does your body do?

Somatic data: faster than cognition, harder to fake

Don't think. Just notice.

When you speak positively about your relationship to friends and family, does that match what you actually feel inside?

Sexton: self-deception is the strongest barrier to clarity

This isn't about whether you complain. It's about whether your private feeling matches your public version.

When you describe your partner to friends or family — do warm words come out, or cold ones?

Gottman: the fondness and admiration system predicts longevity

Notice your default. Not the polite version. The one that slips out when you're tired.

Is the person you're becoming with them — someone you respect?

A relationship is an environment. It shapes you, slowly.

Is there anything in your relationship that crosses into harm?

Physical fear, contempt that's become abuse, isolation, control. Honesty matters more here than anywhere else.